After the birth of Y, I got overwhelmed with all the tasks I needed to accomplish. Add to that the insecurities I felt because a lot of people were commenting on how big I got. I was awashed with a flurry of negative emotions: sad, incomplete, lost. And it was hard to accept because I know that I should’ve been stronger and more attuned to my feelings.
Then I attended the Mindful Mom Re-Treat and that’s when it hit me: I wasn’t loving myself enough that I feel drained. Because you cannot give what you don’t have, you’ve got to love yourself in order to give love to the people around you! It was reiterated during the half day session that self-love is not selfish. It should be a vital part of who you are. Especially moms who goes head to head on a lot of challenges daily.
Yes, I kinda lost myself for a while. But, I’m slowly getting it back.
Just recently, I attended a small group session discussing points in Coach Pia’s book: Focus on What Matters. In the book, she developed The Clarity Framework, which helps individuals decide on what really matters in their lives. I’m still in the process of understanding it, but here are three things I’m committing in order to focus on what matters to me:
- Have a total mastery of investment in my Self.
I need to treat myself well, so that anything hurled at me, whether it be how my body looks or how I raise my kids will not affect me. I’ll be living according to my values and nothing can faze me. Having time for myself should be a non-negotiable! Be it my Pilates class, a blogging workshop, breakfast with friends or a moment of solitude in the bathroom – I need to put myself in the priority list. Which is why I like Mommy Mundo’s 24/7 Planner because it has a space for MOM and a separate space for the kids, giving the thought that yeah, there should be activities you should be doing for YOU.
2. Never react in fear or pride.
We tend to react instantaneously and most often than not, these reactions stem from fear or pride. But as a mom, I should be wary that my emotions, words and actions deliberately affect my kids. So, it wouldn’t hurt to calm down, give myself a few minutes (or days!) to react. For example, my child tripped. If I’m reacting with fear, I’ll probably go “OH NOOO! Let’s go to the hospital!!!”. If I’m reacting with pride, I’ll go with the lines of “There. You see. You’re being stubborn, that’s why you tripped.” So, what does this do to your child?! He will not have time to process what has happened and immediately feel a lot worse. I don’t want to be the OA mom I was once. My kids deserve the best version of me, not someone paralyzed by fear and pride.
3. Forgive myself.
There’s always a room for improvement and lessons to be learned in every tribulation. I need not wallow in pity as it will affect our whole family.
With these new realizations, I decided to rebrand my blog (and life for that matter!). I will now be focusing on rediscovering myself through motherhood. There will still be posts about my kids and products related to them but may be in a different perspective. I hope you’ll join me in this new journey.
Ready?! I know I am 🙂